The Myth of the 'Good Body': Unlearning Internalised Beauty Standards
A therapist’s perspective on where our body ideals come from—and how to let them go
At some point, many of us internalise the idea that there’s such a thing as a “good body.”
You know the one: thin but curvy in the right places, toned but not too muscular, effortlessly put together, always in control. The kind of body that gets complimented, praised, and idealised. The kind of body that supposedly earns you respect, love, and worthiness.
But this “good body” isn’t real. It’s a cultural invention - a set of beauty standards shaped by white supremacy, capitalism, ableism, fatphobia, and patriarchy.
And yet so many of us spend our lives trying to chase it.
Where the myth begins
From the moment we’re old enough to absorb messages about appearance, we’re taught what kinds of bodies are desirable, and which ones are not.
Whether it’s through children’s media, magazine covers, or social media filters, we’re conditioned to believe that certain body types signal health, success, discipline, and worth. Thinness, especially, is idealised as a moral achievement.
Over time, these messages get internalised. We stop seeing them as cultural preferences and start seeing them as truth.
We don’t just think we want the “good body”, we believe we need it in order to be enough.
The cost of chasing it
When you believe your worth is tied to your appearance, food and movement stop being tools for nourishment or joy. They become rituals of control.
You may restrict, overexercise, binge, purge, obsess over numbers, or engage in constant self-monitoring, all in the name of chasing an ideal you didn’t choose.
This pursuit can be exhausting. And for many, it’s the beginning of disordered eating.
Because the “good body” is a moving target. And the closer you get, the more you realise the goalposts keep shifting.
What unlearning looks like
Unlearning internalised beauty standards isn’t about swinging to the other extreme and loving every inch of yourself 24/7. That’s not realistic (or necessary!).
It’s about starting to question the rules you’ve inherited and ask:
Who decided what a good body is?
What have I given up in pursuit of that ideal?
What might freedom look like, beyond appearance?
This work isn’t easy, especially when body standards have shaped your sense of identity or survival. But it is possible. And it starts with curiosity, not shame.
Ways to begin
Name the standard: When body image distress shows up, notice what kind of body you feel you “should” have. Whose standard is that?
Challenge the assumption: Ask yourself what you believe having that particular body will give you. Is it love? safety? belonging? Then question whether it’s really true.
Reclaim your body’s purpose: Your body was never meant to be an ornament. It’s the home you live in, the vessel through which you experience life.
Healing body image isn’t about achieving confidence. It’s about letting go of the belief that your body determines your worth.
💡 Want to explore this more deeply?
My Body Image Workbook is designed to help you untangle your worth from appearance and gently challenge the internalised messages that keep you stuck. Through therapeutic exercises, journal prompts, and body image reflection tools, you’ll begin to rebuild a kinder, more grounded relationship with your body—on your terms.
