Why Body Image Isn’t Really About Your Body
A therapist’s guide to what’s really going on underneath the surface
When we talk about body image, we often think we’re talking about the shape, size, or appearance of our bodies.
But more often than not, the distress we feel about our bodies isn’t truly about our bodies at all.
It’s about something deeper, something quieter.
Something learned. Something carried.
The illusion of control
For many people, focusing on the body becomes a way to cope with what feels unmanageable or chaotic in other areas of life.
Shaping, shrinking, monitoring, and controlling the body can create a temporary sense of agency when other parts of life feel uncertain or out of control. Especially for those with a history of trauma, this kind of vigilance can offer a false sense of safety.
But it’s an exhausting strategy and one that keeps you focused on the mirror instead of what’s happening beneath the surface.
Where body image distress begins
Often, poor body image stems from early experiences of shame, disconnection, or rejection.
Maybe you were praised for being “good” when you ate less, or teased for gaining weight.
Maybe love and approval were conditional on how you looked.
Maybe your body became a battleground after trauma, and monitoring it became a way to feel safer in the world.
These experiences don’t just teach you how to think about your body—they teach you how to think about yourself. And healing body image means unlearning those harmful associations.
It’s about belonging, not beauty
So many of us internalise the message that changing our bodies will make us more worthy: more lovable, more respected, more accepted.
This isn’t vanity. It’s a survival strategy.
In a culture where thinness is praised and fatness is pathologised, striving for a smaller body can feel like the only way to belong. But the pursuit often leaves us more disconnected from ourselves, not less.
True healing starts when we stop asking, “How can I fix my body?”
And start asking, “What is my body image trying to protect me from?”
What you can do
If you’re beginning to notice that your body image distress feels deeper than aesthetics, here are some gentle ways to begin unpacking it:
Notice the stories: When you feel bad about your body, ask: What am I believing in this moment?
Name the deeper need: Is it safety? Validation? A sense of control? These needs are real—and your body doesn’t need to change to meet them.
Bring in self-compassion: Shame thrives in silence. Body image healing often begins with speaking to yourself the way you would a friend.
And if this feels difficult to do alone, that’s okay. Working with a therapist who understands body image, disordered eating, and trauma can help you untangle what your body has come to carry—and find a way back to yourself.
💡 Ready to explore your relationship with food and body image more deeply?
My coaching workbook collection offers thoughtful journaling prompts and therapeutic exercises for people navigating body changes, weight stigma, and food fears, whether you’re on medication or simply trying to feel more at home in your body.
